In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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