Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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