My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
