my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
