He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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