I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
