I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is my gift to your gina
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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