i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
