I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
