Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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