why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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