It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
