mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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