He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
