does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
