shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
