I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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