Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
