just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
this hospital has no fireball
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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