Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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