he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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