First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
