They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
