you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
