You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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