using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh god it's open bar.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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