I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
