WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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