Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
