take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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