final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My balls are so social today.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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