I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just high enough for therapy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
