I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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