the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
where are you?
Hypothermia
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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