Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
