I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
