You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
