for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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