I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
