Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
