Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
