sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
