Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
