Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
