so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
cat food counts as protein by the way
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
