This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
