I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
