Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
