I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
