UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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