I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Randomize
