Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
