so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm sobbing to NWA
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
