if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
