Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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