Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
