He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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