just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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