Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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