So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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