I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
