i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
