dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
